Blast from the Past

Because the Celery Stick refuses to post any new material because he's to busy watching Brian's (Song) basketball games, I, of course, have to pick up the slack(ers) like cool Ethan in early decline Devon Sawa era (Too removed from Casper but still searching for his Final Destination. Now and Then we reminisce about this fallen icon ala River Phoenix). So I will be starting a series of posts on classic movies from my childhood. Blast for the Past may be one of them considering it has an all-time great cast in the J-Man, Cher, A Jew who plays football, and a late bloomer who kills people (or lives in Badlands with Terrence Malick's 1st wife) plus this guy from Mad TV. But todays film is one I watched yesterday for the first time in ages.

Mortal Combat (1995)

Pure classic and the graphics are amazing as well. It's like watching an action video game using Who Framed Roger Rabbit special effects or it's like watching a Paul W.S. Anderson film who just so happened to be the director on Mortal Combat. Ving Rhames and Danny Trejo would be homeless without Anderson and it was this film that allowed him to further his directing prowess in such classics as AVP and Death Race. Oscar anyone?

Cast:

Robin Shou: Not only did he play the male lead in Mortal Combat, he battled wits with Chris Farley in Beverly Hills Ninja. Most versatile actor of our generation or most versatile actor of all-time? He was funnier opposite Farley than Matthew Perry was in Almost Heroes but that's like saying getting C - on a test is great because the retarded kid next to you failed. Robin Shou has not been seen since 1995 unless he is Jackie Chan, Jet Li, or Chow Yun Fat or are these people one in the same but I digress.

Christopher Lambert: Never heard of him? That's because he is not the voice of reason in Dexter's head as James Remar is. How are these two even linked? Both played Lord Rayden in the Mortal Combat franchise, Remar in the classic sequel that made no sense. Lambert has not been seen since 1995.

Linden Ashby: He played Johnny Cage, killed in 3rd minute of sequel, hasn't been seen since 1995.

Taliso Soto: She sizzled opposite the greatest Bond ever (possibly George Lazenby?) but found herself finally in the role of the century as a 10 thousand year old princess fighting for the good guys. She has been seen since 1995 but as the rebound girl for Benjamin Bratt and the cleaner of his children's diapers. Meow!!!!

Bridgette Wilson: when she was wholesome and mine. Then Pete Sampras had to screw it all up for everyone. Do you know he's a terrible tipper and really boring. Why?!!!!!!!!! Oh Bridgette, how I yearn for your return on the silver screen. Sooooo Hot, what to touch her heiny! If anyone could split these two up, it would be gratefully appreciated. I double dog dare you!

Christopher Mcdonald: Not in this movie. But don't I have a nice rack!

That's all for now. i know it's not great but deal (or no deal) with it. I was bored, now I'm lazy so I'll come back later and hyperlink it up. Let's consider this a rough draft.