Greatest Coach Ever

The debate over who is the best coach in movie history has long been discussed at Cinema Talk. The obvious list of candidates would consist of Major Leagues finest Lou Brown (Fuck you Scott Bakula), Patches O’Houlihan of Dodgeball, Coach Kimball of Celtic Pride Soccer legend Phil Weston and of course the erratic yet reliable Tony D’Amato who managed to coach Steamin Willie Beamen to a 4-1 record and chance to win the Pantheon Cup. All of these are valid choices but fall short to our unanimous choice who is none another than Coach Gordon Bombay from the Mighty Duck trilogy. The greatest trilogy of all time (Again Fuck you Scott Bakula). Bombay fits the criteria to be number one on our list for being a crossover success, destroying the game of hockey while enhancing it at the same time and having the greatest nickname ever ‘The Minnesota Miracle Man.’

We first meet Bombay as a hotshot Minneapolis lawyer who is primarily concerned with snapping necks and cashing checks. His brash demeanor has earned him as many detractors as followers. After one long night of debauchery Bombay gets arrested for drunk driving and the aftermath is rather a fistful of glory. Bombay is assigned to coach a Peewee hockey team. Initially he is haunted by his past as Bombay was most remembered for costing his team a shot at the District 5 title as youngster. With the help of his wise yet unstable mentor, Hans, Bombay is able to rally Charlie Conway and the Ducks to glory. What makes Bombay in a league of his own is will to win at all costs and this is represented in Bombay stealing the star player from the Hawks and making him play for the Ducks. Simply put Classic Bombay. The Miracle Man proved that getting wasted and possibly having a slight case of autism (Machine) can in the end lead to victory.

What Separates Bombay from the rest of the coaching greats is his performance in ‘D2.’ After having success with the original Ducks, Bombay is asked to coached the U.S. for the Junior Goodwill Games. Instead of relying upon his old roster Bombay retools and reloads by adding five new players: Dean Portman, the Texas two-step Dwayne Robertson, Julie ‘The Cat’ Gaffney, Luis Mendoza, Russ Tyler and Cinema Talk favorite Wu Wu Wu Kenny Wu. At the same time Bombay has embraced the Southern California lifestyle with slicked-backed hair and hanging out with Hollywood Heavyweights such as Kareem Abdul Jabbar. The first sense of adversity Bombay faces is when his team gets blown out by Iceland (Spelled Island in the movie) and to quote states his team is playing like a bunch of chickens with their heads cut off. Instead of looking at film to correct mistakes the sly Bombay uses his animalistic charm to seduce Iceland’s trainer in further hopes of winning the Goodwill Games. As it worked out Bombay’s raw sexual magnetism worked to his favor as the U.S. or should I say Ducks claimed the Gold. There was so much wrong with this movie first being that the entire country of Canada not wanting any part of it, Wayne Gretzky speaking to the U.S. team and having a cowboy play hockey. None of this mattered as this movie brought to the masses the bash brothers, the knuckle puck and of course the greatest hockey play ever the Flying V.

The third film is where many detractors would say that Bombay is not the greatest coach ever. Even though he was not the head coach Bombay took on more of a front office role as helping the Ducks land at prestigious Eden Hall Preparatory School. The rumored excuse as to why Bombay was not around was that Emilio was looking to launch the sequel to early 90s classic Men at Work. Bombay was able to work his magic one more time when he got Dean Portman enrolled at this last minute to face the Varsity Squad and eventually beat them. Bombay may have killed any credibility that went with the game of Hockey and was the final straw in the 2004 lockout but none of this matters when you are ‘The Minnesota Miracle Man.’ Quack, Quack, Quack.